Edward or Jacob
by Poohdog
Summary: Hermione and Ginny are gushing over some guys named Jacob and Edward, leaving an eavesdropping Harry and Ron utterly confused. And why are Tonks and Mrs. Weasley just as aware of this strange code? Harry Potter girls discuss Twilight.
1. The Edward vs Jacob Debate

**I have no claim over Harry Potter or Twilight.**

**As a warning, this is AU with the time line. There are hints (ignorable but there) of Ron/Hermione, Harry/Ginny, and Remus/Tonks.**

**This was a random idea and I wanted to write it down because I was having a brain spaz with my other story last night. I'm better now.**

** Anyway, hope you like it!**

"No way. No way! How on earth- No." Harry stopped outside the doorway of the drawing room at Grimmauld Place with Ron at his side, wondering what on earth it was that Ginny found so unbelievable.

"There's nothing wrong with being a Jacob," Hermione huffed. Ron's eyebrows shot up and he looked over at Harry in curiosity.

"He's so immature!" Ginny replied.

"He's young! And he's an actual friend to Bella instead of some- some like 'god' she idolizes? I mean, what girl wants to go out with a guy she's always going to feel like she's not worthy to have?" The pair of boys kneeled down, listening hard to the conversation Ginny and Hermione were having.

"That's not it! You are missing the point completely. Edward is- is-"

"Over-bearing and controlling?"

"Self-conscience and protective!"

"Self-conscience?"

"He's always so afraid he's a monster and he keeps waiting for Bella to realize it but he acts arrogant to cover it sometimes."

"You say tomat_o_; I say tom_a_to," Hermione replied. Harry and Ron heard a squishing noise like she had just flopped down on a couch or chair. "Edwards," she sighed.

"Well, Jacob is also hot headed and plain out mean!" Ginny protested. Again, they heard a flopping noise. Presumably Ginny had just sat down also.

"What do you suppose a Jacob or an Edward is?" Ron whispered to Harry. He shook his head.

"I have no idea."

"I'll admit he has a temper but he's not mean! He tries to show off for Bella and it goes wrong. His plans fall apart or he gets hurt and he acts mean sometimes to cover it up."

"Potat_o_, pot_a_to," Ginny sighed.

"And Jacob is nice to Bella. He makes her laugh when she's feeling down. He made her happy when no one else could because Edward decided to be over-controlling of the relationship again and not ask for Bella's opinion!"

"He was being protective of her! He loves her!"

"Fine he loves her, but so does Jacob!"

"Edward is better than Jacob. Plain out. He's dazzling. Jacob is just- just- hot!"

"Seriously, do you think it's some kind of code?" Ron asked.

"Probably could be. I mean, what else would it be?"

"Beats me," Ron shrugged.

"Hermione get, that look out of your eye! What are you doing?"

"Imagining Jacob shirtless."

"Oh. Oh!"

"Nice, right?"

"Mmm, Edward's so pretty."

"Okay, he looks nice too."

"So does Jacob. I wouldn't mind staring at either of them," Ginny conceded. A pair of girlish giggles flooded into the hallway, frightening the two boys listening in on their conversation.

"Still, I'm a Jacob, no doubt."

"How can someone so smart be so dumb?"

"Seriously, Edward?" Hermione asked.

"Seriously, Jacob?" Ginny retorted.

"What's going on here?" a light voice asked. Harry and Ron looked up to see Tonks standing there with her head cocked to the side, her arms crossed loosely over her chest. Lupin stood next to her, studying them carefully and silently. Harry and Ron looked between each other. There was no way out of saying they'd been eavesdropping, not that Tonks and Lupin would probably care a whole lot that they were listening to the girls. However, there was a good chance Tonks would somehow slip the information to Ginny and Hermione. It was easy to see the argument fast turning to the best way to hex Harry and Ron if they found out about their listeners.

"Um," Ron began.

"We were, ah-"

"Well, you see- So we were just passing by and we heard Ginny and Hermione."

"Yeah," Harry agreed.

"And they're- they're talking in some kind of- of code," Ron informed the adult pair.

"What kind of code?" Lupin asked.

"Well we haven't yet figured that out," Harry admitted. "Something about Jacobs and Edwards and-" Tonks broke into a smile and giggled lightly.

"You understand?" Ron asked incredulously.

"Understand? Of course I'm understand! Don't I look like a girl to you?" Tonks laughed.

"Well, um," Ron began, stumbling in his confusion of the code. Tonks gave him a small glare.

"Yes, we're all well aware of your femininity," Lupin rescued quickly. "But what does that have to do with Hermione and Ginny talking in code?"

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Everything!" she shot back and then darted forward into the room, nearly falling on her face as she tripped over her feet but managing to steady herself by grabbing the doorframe.

"Tonks!" Ginny greeted happily. "Tonks, you know! Tell her that Edward is better."

"No way. Tonks, you know it's all Jacob!" Hermione protested.

"Edward!"

"Jacob!"

"Edward!"

"Jac-"

"Wow, you really do stick to your sides, don't you?"

"Are you a Swiss? Please don't say you're Swiss," Ginny whined.

"Yeah, Tonks that won't solve anything!" Hermione agreed.

"Swiss?" Lupin muttered to himself. Harry shook his head in confusion and Ron shrugged.

"I'm not Swiss. Although I will say both of them have their benefits," Tonks told them. They heard a flop and a thump. "Ouch! That's going to bruise!"

"How did you manage to hit your shin on the coffee table while sitting down?" Hermione asked in bewilderment.

"Ack, wish I knew," Tonks murmured.

"But seriously, who are you a bigger fan of?" Hermione inquired.

"Even though they both are exceptionally good looking," Ginny conceded. This time a trio of girly giggles struck fear into the mind of three baffled boys in the hallway.

Tonks sighed. "I'm an Edward." Ginny cheered loudly. Ron was pretty sure he heard Hermione sigh in disappointment.

"Seriously, why?" Hermione asked. "Would you really like a guy who's so- so- much of a know-it-all?"

"You have something against a know-it-all, Hermione?" Ginny teased.

"Well no, it's that- I mean that's part of the reason I like Jacob a little. But Edward just loves her so much even though he's so awkward about it sometimes," Tonks answered.

"And he looks the best shirtless," Ginny giggled.

"Mmm, I'd say it's a tie," Tonks laughed. "At least in my mind it is." Hermione chuckled.

"I don't get it," Lupin muttered.

"See? It's got to be a code right?" Ron asked.

"I always knew girls must have some sort of secret language," Harry proclaimed.

"Exactly."

"Nonsense. It's got to be something else," Lupin disagreed seeming lost in thought.

"They just have a second language they're born with," Ron concluded. Harry nodded. Lupin shook his head somewhat distantly.

"But why not Jacob? He's a much better friend instead of just- just a dazzler," Hermione argued.

"Edward can be a friend!" Ginny argued. "Just because she had a crush on him first- You know some people do that. They don't realize they like someone after they've known them for years!"

"Some people don't fall in love at first sight and act like an idiot around them for ages!"

"Hey, let's not get mean here," Tonks interrupted.

"Yeah, that would be Jacob-like of us," Ginny huffed.

"Jacob is not mean!" Hermione yelped.

"What are you two- err, three doing? Remus, when did you get here?"

"About half an hour ago. I was looking for Sirius when I ran into Tonks and we got to talking about something she found while she was helping Sirius clean out one of the upstairs bedrooms today."

"Ah," Mrs. Weasley nodded. "How did you end up here?"

"Hermione, Ginny, _and_ Tonks are all talking in some kind of girl-code," Ron said seriously. "We were trying to interpret."

"Girl-code?"

"Yes, girl-code," Ron agreed. Harry nodded.

"How would you define girl-code?" she questioned, seeming to think the idea was a bit ridiculous.

"They mention Edward and Jacob a lot," Lupin told her.

"Oh!" she said with a sudden burst of realization. "Really? Is Ginny an Edward and Hermione a Jacob? That's what I would guess at any rate."

Slowly Harry nodded while Ron and Lupin just stared at her incredulously before she slipped into the room.

"Molly!" Tonks said.

"Hello Tonks."

"Oh, hi mum," Ginny greeted awkwardly.

"Edward?"

"Not you too," Hermione groaned.

"No, I was just asking if Ginny was," Mrs. Weasley explained.

"Good. I was feeling betrayed. Tonks is an Edward too," Hermione groaned.

"Really? I would have assumed Jacob just because of well, everyone can see that dear."

"See what?" Ginny eagerly inquired. There was a loud crack.

"Sorry!" Tonks yelped.

"How did you manage to break that?" Mrs. Weasley asked in exasperation with the flopping noise that accompanied sitting down.

"Pure talent I wish I could give away," Tonks grumbled.

"Then again, I guess I can see Edward there. Yes very much so personality wise. And the protectiveness. Very much so."

"Tonks has an Edward?" Ginny giggled.

"Tonks must have an Edward," Hermione agreed happily.

"Ton- I do not have an Edward, or anything of the kind."

"Her hair's turning red," Ginny laughed.

"Is that a way of blushing?" Hermione seconded.

"Who is he Tonks?" Ginny pressed.

"Do we know him?" Hermione added.

"So new topic besides my nonexistent, and you'd better remember he's nonexistent, Edward. What are you Molly?"

"Emmett," she said assuredly.

"Emmett?" Tonks asked in surprise.

"Mmm," Mrs. Weasley said.

"She's off in her own world."

"Emmett?" Ginny asked quietly.

"What's an Emmett?" Ron questioned. Harry and Lupin shrugged.

"I really don't see it," Tonks said.

"No, no you wouldn't. But there are certain times- I can assure you there are similarities."

"Mum!" Ginny squealed.

"What's an Emmett?" Ron asked more desperately.

"I don't know," Harry told him.

"Remus, there you are. Thought you were going to stop by this afternoon. What's going on here?"

"The girls are all talking in code," Harry told him worriedly.

"Code?"

"Something about Edwards and Jacobs," Remus informed him. "Any clue?" Sirius laughed as he leaned toward the room and stood in the doorway.

"Just for the record girls, I'm a Rosalie," he called out and then wolf whistled. Someone began to laugh hard and there was a thump.

"O-oops," Tonks stuttered through her laughter as she appeared in the doorway. "Molly just declared herself an Emmett. Wait till I tell Arthur," she said as she kept on laughing. She smiled at the boys in the hallway.

"Sirius, who's Tonks's Edward?" Hermione asked.

"I don't have an Edward," Tonks declared, turning around.

"No, she definitely has a Jacob," Sirius snorted.

"Actually, think about it Sirius, personality wise," Mrs. Weasley commented. Sirius's face grew very clear all of the sudden.

"How did I not see that before? He really is Edward-like, isn't he?" Sirius replied.

"I do not have a Jacob or an Edward!" Tonks declared, her hair indeed turning a bright shade of Weasley red. Hermione and Ginny began to laugh. Tonks growled and stormed away changing her hair back as she went.

"I still don't get it," Ron declared.

"You've been listening?" Hermione asked, coming to the doorway, her and Ginny's eyes getting wide.

"Yeah, you were talking in some kind of girl-code. I couldn't understand a word of it!" Ron yelped. Harry nodded in agreement. Ginny and Hermione looked at each other and seemed to calm down.

"It's Twilight," Sirius explained. Harry, Ron, and Lupin gave him identical looks of confusion. "It's a book series. I found them lying around and I was bored so I read them."

"Ah, that was me. I kept finding them stacked in the drawing room and I'd be about to move them but then I'd start reading," Mrs. Weasley said.

"Oops, sorry Mum. I'd kind of forget them when I finished because I went running to Hermione for the next book."

"Where are my books at now anyway?" Hermione asked.

"It's a book?" Harry asked.

"You were arguing about a book?" Ron seconded. Ginny and Hermione looked at them, shaking their heads.

"Boys," the agreed in unison.

"Even Jacob would be better," Ginny declared.

"Even Edward."

"Really?"

"Honestly?" Hermione asked.

"Probably not then?" Ginny assumed.

"Yes, you too?" Hermione consented.

Ginny nodded as the two girls left down the hallway, leaving only a laughing Mrs. Weasley and Sirius plus three very confused boys.


	2. The Breaking Dawn Debate

**I sadly own neither Harry Potter nor Twilight. I know, depressing right.**

"I wanted to throw the entire book across the room!" Ron blinked a couple of times and then dug his finger into his ear as if trying to clean it before returning to kneeling in the dirt pulling at a weed.

"Oh, Hermione, how could you! It's a beautiful book! I'm just- Didn't I tell you Edward was perfect? I love him." Harry felt like a load of bricks had just come forward and hit him in the stomach. Apparently his pain showed on his face because he caught Ron looking at him with a strange mix of pity and brotherly smugness.

"You liked it?" Hermione asked, her voice getting a little bit higher than normal. She and Ginny were just out of sight around the corner of the house. Harry and Ron were pulling out weeds and thinning out some of the vegetables in the garden while Hermione and Ginny planted decorative flowers and bushes for the wedding under Mrs. Weasleys instructions.

"You didn't?" Ginny questioned.

"No! It was an awful book!" Hermione exclaimed. Ron began dig into his ear again.

"I heard it too mate," Harry whispered quietly.

"Do you think she's sick?" Ron asked, his eyes seemingly filled with genuine concern.

"I don't think so. She looked fine at breakfast," Harry assured him, a little worried himself.

"It was a lovely book," Ginny insisted. "Just lovely! Everything turned out just how it was supposed to. You're just mad because Edward ended up with Bella instead of Jacob." Both Ron and Harry groaned at the mention of the two names. Stupid coded conversations. "Don't look at me like that! You know that's the real reason you didn't like it."

"I didn't _like_ it because the plot is a total let down, because _all_ of them were completely out of character, because the entire relationship between Bella and Edward was about sacrifice on Edward's part and then Bella doesn't even have to give up Charlie, because that _Thing_ came out of nowhere and-"

"Ah-ha!" Ginny jumped.

"What does Charlie have to do with anything?" Harry asked Ron in a hushed voice. "I thought he wasn't coming for another couple days." Ron shrugged.

"What was that for?" Hermione asked.

"_That's_ the real reason," Ginny said quickly.

"What's the real reason?"

"You don't like that Renesmee ended up with Jacob. I'm _knew_ it was all about Jacob with you."

"Yes, I don't like that _Thing_! She's annoying! Plus there was a relationship building with Jacob and Leah and then suddenly, oh no, Bella's had this Thing that all the sudden Jacob is totally going to be in love with!" Someone growled and the boys assumed it was Hermione.

"Jacob couldn't imprint on Leah! They were _both_ werewolves. They would have imprinted already."

"Werewolves?" Ron asked as he got frustrated with a weed he was tugging and let it go. "D'you reckon they're talking about Lupin?"

"Could be Bill or Greyback," Harry said cautiously. Ron shook his head.

"They mentioned Jacob back before fifth year. Bill hadn't been bitten and we didn't know about Greyback, not really."

"So you figure Jacob is Lupin?"

"Maybe," Ron said cautiously as he flicked his wand at the stubborn weed and it shot across the yard.

"What was that?" Hermione asked in shock.

"Probably just one of the gnomes. They like to throw things when they come back just to make sure everyone knows they're there. But seriously Hermione, they would have imprinted already!"

"Yeah!" suddenly Harry said excitedly to Ron as the pieces clicked into place. "Don't you remember? Your mum thought Tonks would be a Jacob because of something everyone in the Order could see!"

"So Jacob is girl code for Lupin?" Ron confirmed.

"I guess so," Harry agreed.

"But there's never been anyone like Leah before! The imprinting could be different," Hermione insisted. Harry looked over at Ron and saw that the other boy's face had gone pale.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Back then, Hermione said she was a- a Jacob," Ron stuttered, his eyes wide. Harry couldn't keep his own eyes from getting rather wide.

"Hermione likes Lupin?" he asked. Ron made a whining noise but Harry dashed to his feet when he heard someone nearby beginning to laugh like crazy. He looked up to see Lupin looking completely bewildered, a little frightened, and perhaps hurt as Tonks laughed her head off, a huge grin on her face. "Tonks?" Ron asked worriedly. His eyes flashed over to Lupin's. Harry couldn't help but notice that they had close to the same expression on their faces.

"Hermione is a _Jacob_, Ron," Tonks assured him.

"Yeah, well they just said that Jacob is- that he's-"

"A werewolf?" Tonks questioned, looking at Ron and still seeming like she was very amused by something. Ron nodded worriedly. "It's a muggle book Ron. The wolves are more like Animagi." Both Ron and Lupin seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. "Besides, Remus is far more of an Edward."

"Did I miss something?" Lupin asked. "As far as I know, my middle name's John, not Edward." Tonks rolled her eyes.

"I must have mixed you up with my other husband," she said dryly.

"Wait a minute! Ginny said she was an Edward!" Ron brought up. Harry felt like someone had grabbed his head and shook it, causing all his thoughts to tumble together in confusion and a small stab of pain. Tonks sighed.

"Boys!" she sighed, taking a step toward the back of her house where Ginny and Hermione were and stumbling over one of the roots Harry and Ron had pulled out of the ground. Lupin reached forward and grabbed her waist to steady her. "Thanks," she told him as her right hand slid over his hand on her waist for an instant before they let go at the same time. Harry almost felt like looking away. Ron was looking down at the weeds again but his ears were red. Apparently he had just gotten the same feeling like he had walked into the middle of seeing Lupin and Tonks groping each other instead of only seeing him stop her from falling.

"You're welcome," Lupin said quietly as she moved more steadily toward the back of the house, disappearing around the corner.

"Tonks!" Ginny squealed. "Please say you came to save us!"

"I can help with the bushes if you want," Tonks told them.

"What did you think of Breaking Dawn?" Hermione asked.

"I, um, where is this one supposed to go?"

"I like it and Hermione doesn't if you're worried about that," Ginny sighed.

"Well, no, that's not the issue," Tonks mumbled. "I haven't read it yet."

"What!" both Hermione and Ginny shrieked at her.

"Ouch," Ron flinched at the noise. Harry nodded.

"I haven't had time lately?" Tonks suggested for her guilt.

"But-"

"Oh Hermione give her a break. She just got done pulling a total New Moon. Minus the Jacob of course," Ginny sighed.

Harry blinked in confusion. He glanced over at Ron who was now sitting on the ground not weeding and looking just as bewildered. Lupin didn't seem much better off than they were.

"I guess you're right," Hermione consented.

"I did not 'pull a New Moon'," Tonks protested. Ginny and Hermione didn't seem to be listening.

"You know, you really are an Edward aren't you?" Ginny asked.

"It's really obvious now. Almost the same story to a tee. Minus the Jacob part of course."

"Well that's because the Jacob is too young for her and likes a certain brunette," Ginny snorted.

"It is not the same story 'to a tee,'" Tonks replied in annoyance.

"How do you know?" Ginny asked. "You haven't even read Breaking Dawn."

"Don't," Hermione advised.

"It's a great book! Edward and Bella finally get married!" Ginny protested.

"And have the _Thing_."

"The thing?" Tonks asked. "You mean they finally have sex?"

"No," Ginny snorted. "Well I mean they do. A lot actually but- Oh, Hermione, stop blushing like that."

"I'm not blushing. I'm- I'm hot."

"I know 'Jacob' certainly thinks so," Tonks informed her cheekily. Ginny laughed and Harry couldn't help but snort. He was getting a very good idea of who 'Jacob' was. He glanced over at Lupin who had a serene look on his face. Ron just looked angry and bewildered.

"You don't happen to have a clue who Jacob is, do you?" Ron growled. Harry didn't really know quite what to say.

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about," Lupin said calmly. "Hermione doesn't seem like she has dating first and foremost on her mind." Ron nodded in agreement, seeming to relax a little.

"I meant it's warm outside!"

"She's blushing even more," Ginny giggled.

"I am not."

"Hermione is embarrassed by sex," Ginny trilled.

"Would you stop?" Hermione asked.

"So, Hermione, guess what Bill and Fleur are probably going to do after the wedding?"

"Shut-up," Hermione grumbled.

"Guess what Alice and Jasper get up to in their bedroom?"

"Ginny, I will seriously-"

"Guess what-"

"Hey, Ginny, guess what your parents did that resulted in six boys plus you," Tonks interceded quickly.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Ron proclaimed, his face turning entirely green. Harry looked over at him worriedly until the thought struck him all the way and felt a little sick himself.

"Are you alright?" Lupin asked both of them right before Ginny burst out in her revenge.

"Guess what Tonks probably did this morning!"

"Ginny!" Tonks yelled as Hermione began to giggle.

"Seriously, this morning?" Ginny asked. "I was just trying to get to Hermione." Lupin seemed very intent upon shredding one of the weeds he had just torn rather forcefully from the ground. Ron's ears had turned bright pink. Harry had to admit, he found this rather amusing, especially as Ron glanced over at Lupin at the same moment Lupin glanced up with a sheepish but pleased grin.

"Break any bedposts?" Ginny asked. "Any feathers lying around?"

"Oh that was so stupid! She never should have slept with him again after the first time!" Hermione suddenly yelped. Harry thought he heard someone mutter something but Ginny didn't seem to notice.

"But Bella wanted to! It's not like it was anything bad! I mean seriously-"

"But he hurt-"

"Oh, you're talking about the book," Tonks remarked.

"What did you think she was talking about?" Ginny inquired.

"I-I didn't know."

"I think she mumbled something about liking it," Hermione replied promptly.

"I- I did not."

"You didn't like it?" Ginny asked, her voice full of baiting.

"No, that's not what I meant! I did- I- It's great if you must know, now can we move on to another topic? What exactly is 'the Thing' Hermione was talking about?" Ron's entire face was now red and Lupin looked both extremely embarrassed and exceptionally pleased.

"Nice weather," Harry commented.

"Um yeah," Ron agreed. Lupin tore out another weed.

"Let's not talk about the Thing," Hermione growled.

"Oh would you-"

"Tonks, why do you look like a tomato?" a thoroughly French voice interrupted Ginny. Fleur had apparently joined them.

"Because I like my hair this color," she protested.

"But why have you made face and nails de same color as your 'air?"

"Because we embarrassed her," Ginny replied.

"I changed my nails too?" Tonks commented a bit distantly.

"What were you girls talking about?"

"Nothing," Ginny said quickly.

"Just a book, Fleur," Tonks amended calmly. "Nothing all that interesting. Even Hermione didn't like it.""Hermione didn't like a book?" Fleur asked with obvious surprise. Harry had to admit, she knew Hermione better than he'd thought she did.

"I liked it!" Ginny protested.

"Ginny it was awful!" Hermione declared. "I hate Renesmee!"

"Gesundheit," Tonks told her.

"Thank you!" Hermione said happily.

"It's a name Tonks," Ginny sighed.

"Oh, Twilight!" Fleur said excitedly.

"There're more of them?" Ron groaned. "I was hoping nobody else had read them." Lupin shook his head.

"Apparently almost every woman in the Order has read them," he commented with a shiver. "They like to talk about them before meetings."

"And you still go?" Ron asked as he and Harry looked at him with new respect. Lupin couldn't help but smile.

"Edward or Jacob?" Tonks asked.

"I do not care. Dey are all very pretty."

"Swiss," Ginny sighed.

"I take it you and Tonks are both Edwards?"

"I would say they're both far too girly to be named Edward," came a warm voice. "Mum sent me out to check on Ron and Harry. Any idea where they are?" Bill asked.

"Over by the vegetable garden with Remus," Tonks answered.

"What!" Hermione squeaked. "Tonks, they could have been listening! I said- why didn't you-"

"Honestly Leah, Jacob won't catch a thing."

"I think he-"

"Trust me, Hestia and Minerva took to quoting the end of New Moon to Remus and he was still clueless."

"If it helps at all, I'm clueless," Bill comforted.

"Yeah, well what does it matter to you? Fleur is Swiss," Ginny bit, seeming obviously a bit distressed.

"No, she's French," Bill told her. "Are you feeling alright Gin? Maybe you should go inside if you're getting too hot."

"I'm fine," Ginny grumbled.

"You're sure?" Hermione asked nervously.

"Yes," Tonks assured. "He's clueless."

"Why did you call Hermione Leah? Jacob imprinted on Renesmee," Fleur stated as Bill walked around the corner and raised an eyebrow at his brother and Harry who were both just sitting in the dirt.

"We're trying to learn girl code," Ron told his brother. "We've figured out that apparently Edward means Lupin."

"Although it also apparently refers to someone else as well," Lupin added. "Jacob becomes fairly obvious as well."

"It does?" Ron asked.

"Hermione is a Jacob," Lupin informed Bill as he sat down. "And he apparently is rather unaware of the fact."

"Ah, yeah, Jacob, got it," Bill agreed. Ron looked about ready to blow up with frustration.

"But there was so much set-up in Eclipse," Tonks commented in confusion.

"Thank you!" Hermione agreed. "Wait till you read Breaking Dawn. On second thought, don't read Breaking Dawn. There's even more set-up but he still imprints on the Thing."

"There was no set-up," Ginny sighed. "They were thorns in each other's side and then they were sort of friends. They really respected each other in the end. No romance. No chemistry. None. Jacob was _meant_ for Renesmee just like Edward was meant for Bella."

"Okay, who is Renesmee," Tonks demanded.

"She's the cutest, most-"

"Renesmee, aka, the thing, is Bella and Edward's daughter," Hermione interrupted with a growl. "The one who miraculously showed up, was gorgeously beautiful, was superhumanly intelligent, made Jacob fall in love with her before she was even a day old, and then, to top it off, wonderfully saved the day before even being a month old." Harry wondered if the newly planted bushes would die from the sarcasm Hermione was watering them with.

"Hermione, you're ruining the whole book for her!"

"Well, she wasn't going to read it anyway!"

"You don't know that."

"Well, were you going to?"

"You should," Fleur added. "It is a good book."

"Bella got pregnant?" Tonks asked.

"Yes," Ginny told her.

"But I thought she couldn't."

"Well a girl vampire couldn't be pregnant but Bella's human, so, you know, she was the one actually carrying the baby and she could," Ginny explained. A noise of annoyance came from one of the girls, probably Hermione.

"But I thought all their fluids were venom or animal blood."

"Apparently not," Hermione huffed. "And apparently, Renesmee now has one more chromosome pair than a human because her father has two more chromosome pairs."

"But how can you have a pair without a match?"

"Exactly," Hermione sighed.

"It'd die shortly after conception even if Edward could get Bella pregnant."

"What the heck are you talking about?" Ginny asked.

"It sounds very strange to me," Fleur agreed.

"I don't think I will be reading Breaking Dawn," Tonks decided. "It sounds like jibberish. And how would Bella not become a vampire when they had sex in the first place?" she pondered.

"Beyond me," Hermione sighed.

"Well, it's not the same thing!" Ginny proclaimed loudly. "You know, one's little, you know, baby vampire halves and the other is venom!" Laughter was heard from the other side of the lawn. "Shut up!" Ginny called out to the three other chuckling girls.

"Thank you Ginny, for making my day all that much better," Tonks told her. The noise of something slapping against something else greeted the boys' ears. Harry was amazed. He didn't think Ginny would slap Tonks for any reason. "Stupid shovel," Tonks growled as she came back around the corner with Fleur at her side. Apparently Ginny wouldn't slap Tonks but gardening tools would. Tonks pulled up the hem of her robes to rub at her right leg. "It attacked me," she explained, her eyes meeting Remus's. He sighed and raised an eyebrow at her. She smiled and let her robes drop to her ankles again as Ginny and Hermione walked around the bend. Tonks bent her head and began to snort again which set Fleur and Hermione off. Even Bill couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"Oh, shut up Bella or when you end up with a Renesmee I'll be sure to teach her the exact words you used when you were yelling at your great-aunt's portrait."

"Good thing a 'Renesmee' isn't it the plans, isn't it?" Tonks shot back.

"Neither was the first Renesmee," Ginny said smugly.

"Bella wasn't a witch."

"And Fleur was meant to have a sister ten years younger than her," Bill smirked. Fleur glared. "Alright, Ginny and Ron were meant to be a year apart despite the fact that the rest of us are at least two years apart."

"Bill!" Ron and Ginny shrieked. Tonks rolled her eyes and then a shadow seemed to come over her face, making her expression unreadable.

"Oh, Bill it iz not nice to tease them," Fleur commented.

"Come on, Mum wants us inside for dinner," Bill chuckled as he put his arm around Fleur's shoulders. Ginny followed behind with Harry and Hermione at her tail. Ron, however, paused and then hurried up to Hermione, placing a hand on her forehead.

"Ron, what are you doing!" she squealed.

"Trying to see if you're sick! You said you didn't like a book. Frankly I'm very concerned!"

"Oh honestly!" Hermione sighed as she headed in with Harry and Ron following behind. She shook her head. "Horrid book."

**So, no one was really hammering me for a second chapter or whatever but I kind of wanted to cover the whole Breaking Dawn/Anti-Breaking Dawn issue with Harry Potter characters as well (plus I got the chance to introduce a Swiss). This should be the end of this story though, really. Hope you liked it and that I managed to represent both sides fairly enough (I'm afraid I'm a Breaking Dawn hater myself).**


End file.
